OMG! Rob is back trying to ride the Hollywood gravy train through gluttonous mountains of cash! He finally finished the Youngblood Movie Script. Which as he puts it: “It’s the story I really wanted to tell in Youngblood issue one... not the mess of teeth and lines I turned in after a Jolt fueled overnight cram session”. I think those were his exact words. So exciting!
First off: All you need to do is go to RobLiefeldCreations.com and sign up for emails, and he’ll send you a digital script for you to treasure for all of eternity. I did it and now my heart is warm.
So onto the review:
First I needed to prepare for this undertaking by drawing a bath and grabbing a bottle of moderately priced wine (I’m no million comic seller like Liefeld). As I relax in the tub, with my glass of wine, and thumb through the digital pages I realize I don't know what I'm looking at. It's just a mix of angled and rounded squiggles. Turns out those squiggles are “words”. Like, reading “words”. I didn't know he had it in him. I honestly thought his script would be just sketches of angry faces having staring contests, with the occasional empty word balloon for actors to ad-lib the lines.
So... I had to get my girlfriend to read it to me. JK, it was my mom, a rob-fanatic like myself doesn't have time for girls... *Ahem* So back to this word filled script. In order to fully enjoy this reimagining of my favorite comic book EVA, I had to use my imagination. I had to picture every letter as a stroke of Rob's pencil. Every paragraph break as the space between panels. Every Location tag as an immaculate Rob-spective™ drawing of the location. It was a challenge, but with the help of my
First, I want to say I’m not sure if Rob wrote this. I’m beginning to think he had a ghost writer, because there is not a single solitary “pouch” word in the character descriptions. Or the entire script for that matter (I did a control F to be certain). But I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, under the assumption that it goes without saying.
So the story starts off with a cyber hostage situation with a bunch of Techno Bad Guys in a building, doing something evil and the Youngblood crew comes in there with ass beating on their mind. The Key difference between this youngblood and the superior comic Youngblood is that this youngblood has UPC wrist scanners that give them “The Super Pulse”! Like Grocery Store Scanners as Rob puts it. Classic classy solution. Love it already! Now comes some action. The crew gets juiced up on some radioactive Super Pulse and preps to Face Kick some Cybernet baddies! As with every Liefeld-character-intro the crew of Youngblood jumps from an airborne vehicle... and proceeds to SMASH through the roof of the building... And continue SMASHING through floor after floor, after floor, causing the the building to visually sway from the outside. Seriously, that’s in the script. AND OH MY F’N GAWD! I can’t wait for this movie to get made! Seriously I can’t read it anymore. It’s too good! I don’t want to ruin it. I might pass out and drown in this tub. Liefeld is that good… It would literally kill me.
The Potential Visual Effects:
Imagine if Michael Bay got a hold of this masterpiece. Michael & Rob…OMFG. It would usher in an era of eye melting, brain busting cinematic utopia. Literally, heads would be popping like water balloons in the theatre. With Michael Bay’s penchant for taking established properties and Bay-ifying™ them to excessive illogical artistic heights, this movie would be like adding spoonfuls of sugar to already caramel coated ice cream; We couldn’t handle it.
The Potential Actor Casting:
Shaft: Justin Timberlake is the obviously obvious right choice. Seriously, the Ramen hair era. Just dye that gnarly curl orange.
Bad Rock: Wait, Badrock is not in this movie??????? WTF (ok, calm down, maybe he will star in the sequel)
Chapel: Some Dude who can grimace a lot.
Sentinel: The Same dude that plays Chapel.
Knightsabre: Whatever actor plays Gambit. I think there was a misspelling in the script. His name should be Gambit.
Troll(I know you didn’t forget about Troll! He’s in there too): CG with Ian Mckellans voice.
The Rest: Let’s throw in Emma Stone, James Franco, Woody Harrelson and That Guy that played the bad guy in Avatar. Dude looks Liefeldian™.
This Series will make Fast and the Furious’s undying, over the top, excessively unnecessary arm-cast-breaking to shame (google it). You will forget that star wars was a thing that you liked.
So, yeah, it will be a yearly event from now to... forever.
Awesome rating scale (1-5):
19 Hidden feet-toes up! And 5 curly ramen-haircuts headbanging! Must. See.
I love that in the script character description Vogue, “the resident ninja”, is wearing silver armor. She will totally be hot and stand out in the shadows. Even if you’re a ninja, you gotta be fabulous.
This has been, "Rob The Best 4 Eva: But why?", a (semi) weekly (yearly?) tribute Blog to Rob Liefeld by Oh! Oozi.